Teasing a wedding couple, especially the bride, has always been an activity to lighten up the marriage ceremony in China. Wedding guests generally derive great pleasure from letting the bride and groom kiss or from making them do slightly embarrassing tasks. In China’s modern western-style weddings, the teasing also applies to the bridesmaids. This tradition has recently become the focus of heated discussions triggered by various events, including the teasing games at a celebrity wedding.
In late March, Chinese actor Bao Beier (@包贝尔) and actress Bao Wenqian (@包文婧) attracted unwanted attention to their Bali wedding when a video clip of a wedding game leaked online, causing a heated debate amongst netizens that continued for weeks.
Throwing bridesmaids in the water
In the game, five best men were lifting bridesmaid Liu Yan (@柳岩) by her limbs and attempted to throw her into a small pool nearby. Liu Yan appears to be screaming and struggling, but the best men continued to carry her to the water. The game was only stopped when Jia Ling (@贾玲), another bridesmaid, came to Liu’s rescue.
The video soon attracted heated discussion on social media, making it to the top of Sina Weibo’s trending topics under the hashtag of “Liu Yan Bridesmaid Teased” (#柳岩当伴娘被捉弄). Wedding game or not, many think the teasing went too far, with a myriad of netizens deeming the game inappropriate.
Earlier this year, the Chinese naohun tradition also sparked debates when a bride and groom were tied up to a tree to celebrate their wedding in Hubei.
The Chinese wedding teasing tradition
Why do wedding games attract so much controversy? An important reason is that these wedding customs reflect the experiences of many Chinese who think that these ancient traditions have no place in modern-day China.
Naohun (闹婚, literally ‘disturbing a marriage’) has been a long-standing practice since the Han dynasty (221–207 BC). It refers to a series of activities that the wedding couple has to do or undergo by the request of wedding attendants. During the wedding, relatives and friends are expected to “drink and laugh, speak and act without restraint” (杨树达，”汉代婚丧礼俗考”) to ensure a lively wedding atmosphere. It is also a sign of friendship.
There various activities to tease the newly-weds and particularly the bride. Usually after the official ceremony, the couple will be accompanied by all wedding attendants into their marriage-room (洞房). The group will remain in the room, urging the couple to kiss or hug.
During the wedding night, family members can stay outside the door and listen to their “bed activities” (听房). A Ming folk song in Sichuan district describes the teasing of brides: “First look at her hands, second look at her feet and third look at her waist; if she does not present these herself, our hands will reach out” (明代《新房曲》).
The usually strict family hierarchy will also break down during the wedding days (新婚三日无大小). Uncles or young brothers can all touch the bride under the pretense of ‘teasing’ her.
Naohun as form of sexual education
According to an article by iRead (@壹读), Naohun historically served two purposes. The first is sexual education. In old China, marrying in early teens (13-15) was common and pre-marital sex was taboo. Neither the boy nor the girl would have much knowledge about sex before getting married.
Group teasing on a wedding was supposed to break the initial awkwardness between the young bride and groom. They would ‘educate’ them by dropping hints on how they can be intimate together.
Another purpose of teasing is for the bridegroom’s family to declare ‘ownership’ of the bride. By teasing the bride, it was publicly conveyed that the woman now was a part of her husband’s family.
An embarrassing tradition
While in modern society, sexual education and declaration of ownership are no longer relevant for weddings, the tradition of teasing is still standing strong. There are very mild forms, such the cross-armed toasting (交杯酒) or having the couple bite an apple with their hands tied.
But what about rubbing a banana on the bride’s abdomen? Or what if teasing leads to physical injuries? According to CCTV, many people feel that China’s old traditions are no longer appropriate in today’s China; 70% of Chinese people feel embarrassed by China’s naohun tradition.
According to another recent survey hosted by Xinlang Entertainment (@新浪娱乐), 78.4% of Chinese netizens believe that teasing women on a wedding is a notorious tradition that is disrespectful to women. 16.4% say that whether teasing is acceptable or not depends on the bride’s or bridesmaid’s attitude. Only 5.2% think that teasing is an integral part of China’s wedding celebrations, and that it should not be taken too seriously.
No-teasing contract
It cannot be denied that mild, harmless teasing activities in the wedding can contribute to a livelier and more intimate atmosphere. After all, who doesn’t want some silly fun and laughter on such a joyous day? But when fun goes too far and becomes disrespectful, it might be time to question the importance of preserving the naohun tradition.
Some people now decide not to wait and see what the wedding will bring, but take matters in their own hands by making a “no wedding teasing contract”. Chinese media reported how one Mrs. Tian from Wuhan decided to make such a contract before participating in a friends’ wedding as a bridesmaid, after hearing about the notorious naohun traditions in the groom’s hometown.
The contract, that was signed by the groom and his family, included rules like no men could touch her, no forced drinking and no forms of humiliation.
As for the celebrity wedding issue, the involved celebrities Liu Yan, Bao Bei’er , Hang Geng and Du Haitao have all responded to the controversy – which they had wanted to avoid at all costs. According to them, “these things agreed amongst friends should remain clear of public judgement.” For their next big wedding, they might choose for a no-teasing contract, just to be sure.
– By Diandian Guo & Manya Koetse
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More about the naohun tradition (in Chinese):
The Best 22 Naohun Tips
Notorious Naohun customs around China
Naohun can look like this in some parts of China
Why Chinese Men Likes Teasing the Bridesmaid
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